You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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