you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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