Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
