Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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