billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
