I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
