In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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