my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
