in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
