we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
