i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
