Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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