i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize