Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
