when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
