Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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