I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
