Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
