the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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