Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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