and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
