I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
