sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
