: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
