you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
