So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
