your room smells of hookers.
And success
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
