My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
