Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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