I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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