Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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