i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
