Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
