I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
