I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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