so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize