Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
