we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
