just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize