Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
