And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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