and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
