I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
