why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
