He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
