is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
