Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
