Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
