Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
