I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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