Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
