so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
