My nipple is on Facebook.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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