I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
