thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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