i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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