I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize