I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
