Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
