he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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