dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
