Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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