Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
