Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
