I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
